Love and Forgiveness

Love and Forgiveness is the story of my journey from a place of pain and loss in childhood to realizing I am blessed by God. With compassion and love within me, I was able to generate unconditional love and forgiveness. I felt the wound of losing my mother’s love when I was quite young. I was able to heal myself, and transform our relationship once I realized she had always done her best with the skills available to her. This allowed me fully be there to love and care for her in her declining years. I finally had the key to overcoming, accepting, and embracing the challenges I had experienced in life.

As a toddler I lived with Mom and Dad, and two older sisters. When I was three, I was brought to a Catholic orphanage where I discovered my two older sisters had also been taken there a month earlier. The orphanage was run by the sisters of Charity, and their influence on me during the seven years I resided with them made a huge impression on who I was and the woman I would eventually become. Their dedication to God, and the children in their care greatly touched and influenced me. Though my years had both positive and negative effects, I began to grow into an optimistic, enthusiastic young lady. It became clear to me early on that life’s not always fair, or sweet like peaches and cream. I could choose to see things any way I wanted, learn from my mistakes, and eventually find forgiveness in my heart for those who disappointed me along the way.

I continually longed for my mom until the day she finally brought the three of us home again when I was nine. We lived with Mom, my step-father, and two younger half-sisters born during our absence, which meant there were now five daughters in a four-room apartment. By age sixteen I realized my happiness depended on finding a more stable environment for myself, so I began exploring other living arrangements with different family members, and also a residence for young women who were employed. Before long, I found myself immersed in a world of personal discovery. My ongoing efforts to improve my life taught me the joys of unconditional love, forgiveness and the importance of devoting my life to a purpose greater than myself by contributing to others. In the midst of these transformational experiences, I had two failed marriages, and grew spiritually as well as emotionally. Through my determination, I was able to attend the college of my dreams and graduate with honors. My world was continually expanding beyond anything I could have imagined, and gratitude became my daily prayer.

Much of this growth and personal development came from a variety of resources which began with my participation in a Christian awakening, and then being introduced to Erhard Seminars Training (a/k/a the “EST training”) which later became The Landmark Forum, and The Sterling Institute of Relationships. These different avenues of education and study assisted me in becoming much more confident and accepting of myself. My personal productivity increased at work, and I began to see that I make a difference in the world, and in the lives of the people around me. I was able to live more powerfully, which made me more effective in many areas of my life; especially and most importantly, it enhanced my ability to relate to my family and friends on a whole new level.

Once I knew that the past didn’t necessarily have any bearing on the future, I was able to allow myself to be with and accept things exactly as they are. I believe my greatest achievement was being able to give myself, and my love totally, freely, and unconditionally to my mother while she was still alive. By some amazing grace I was blessed by her last words to me, which were “Ruthie, I love you,” as my heart had yearned and waited to hear her say that for as long as I could remember.