Both Sides of Grace

As Marci drove away from the church building, she felt such a burden of guilt pressing on her spirit. She pondered the words of her pastor, weighing them against the words her friend had spoken to her only days before. “There’s something God wants more than your obedience,” Millie had said. “The Lord expects you to obey,” the pastor had thundered. “He wants you just to be His. For you to let yourself be loved by Him instead of always worrying about whether you’re following some rule,” Millie had soothed. “God’s laws were designed to teach us to live righteously,” the pastor had stressed. Marci rubbed her forehead, willing away the headache that was starting to build behind her eyes. She wished that she could somehow reconcile the seemingly contradictory thoughts of her best friend and her pastor, but the two seemed to be so far from each other. There was only one person she could think of who could help her. Instead of turning down her own street, Marci steered her car the opposite direction and pulled onto the road that would take her across town to her parents’ home. She let herself in their front door, calling out “Hellooo!” as she closed it behind her. The aroma of roast beef and homemade bread welcomed her and she smiled, remembering countless Sunday meals of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, and hot dinner rolls. Some things never changed. “Oh, hello, dear!” her mother said as she walked from the kitchen and saw her daughter walking toward her. She wore a green ruffled apron over her Sunday dress and held a large wooden spoon in one hand. “I didn’t expect to see you today.” “I know. I hope you don’t mind me dropping in unannounced. I just didn’t feel like eating Sunday dinner by myself today.” “Of course we don’t mind! The kids must be with Bryan for the weekend.” “Yep.” “Well, come on in and sit down. I was just finishing up the potatoes and then we’ll be ready to eat.” She turned and called into the kitchen, “Donald, Marci stopped by for dinner. Add another place at the table, would you?” __________ Marci’s dad pushed back from the table and rubbed his now-full belly. “Martha, you fixed a delicious dinner, as usual.” “Thank you, dear.” Martha reached across the table and squeezed her husband’s arm affectionately. She looked over at Marci’s plate that was still half-full of uneaten food. “What’s the matter, Marci? Has it been so long since you’ve eaten my pot roast that you’ve lost your taste for it?” “No, Mom,” Marci answered with a gentle smile. “The food is delicious. I’m just trying to cut back a little bit, and I think you gave me enough food for at least three people.” She stood and gathered all three plates and carried them to the kitchen sink. Her mother stood and began cleaning up as well, and before long all signs of lunch had been cleared and put away. Marci’s dad retired to the living room where he could lean back in his recliner and pretend to watch a basketball game while he took a nap. Marci sat back down at the dinner table. “Mom, can I ask you something?” she asked hesitantly. “Sure, dear, what is it?” Martha sat down in the chair across from Marci’s and looked at her expectantly. “Well…I was just wondering what you thought about something.” “Go on.” “Do you think…” Marci found herself stumbling over her words, unsure of how to ask what was on her mind. “Does God punish us when we don’t obey His rules?” “What do you mean, dear?” “I mean, does God punish us when we screw up?” Marci stared at the table in front of her, unwilling to meet her mother’s eyes. Martha leaned back in her chair and crossed her hands in her lap. “I believe that He has definitely set up consequences that we suffer when we don’t follow His instructions for us. And Scripture tells us that He disciplines us, as any loving Father would. But do I believe that He intentionally harms us in order to ‘teach us a lesson?’ No. I do not.” Martha leaned toward her daughter and looked at her intently. “What makes you ask such a question?” Marci glanced quickly up at her mother, then returned her gaze back to the table. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking lately about how things turned out with Bryan, and wondering if maybe our break-up was something that I earned, something I deserved.” “So you think that you did something wrong and then God caused Bryan to divorce you?” “I don’t know. Maybe?” Marci crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I guess it sounds kind of ridiculous when you say it out loud.” “Hmm. Well, first of all, let’s not go around blaming God for wrecking marriages.” Martha leaned toward her daughter, resting her elbows on the table in front of her. “The Bible clearly tells us that God hates divorce. Why, then, would He will that on any of His beloved children? Second of all, what on earth could you have done that would deserve for you to be treated the way Bryan treated you? I seem to remember that he was the one who fooled around and he was the one who chose to end the marriage.” “But Mom, it’s not like I didn’t screw up, too, you know? I have my own sins to be guilty of.” “I’m sure you do. But I’m just as sure that in His grace, God has forgiven you.” “Has he?” Marci looked up sharply at her mother, the pain of her past evident in her eyes.