Unconquered Heart

Chapter 1 The Fall Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God. ZsaZsa Belagio, artist Upon first glance, no two people seemed a more unlikely pair than Daddy and Mama. Mama's antecedents settled in Virginia before the Mayflower, joining a handful of other settlers hailed as the first families of Virginia. The other side of her family tree arrived in the New World on the Mayflower. They composed the ancestral line of younger siblings, including John Hancock's brother, affording Mama a patrician lineage, if not the grand estate, to accompany it. Mama was delicate, porcelain-skinned, with red hair and blue eyes. I grew up witnessing the effect she had on those she met. Lovely and ladylike, she invariably left the impression of someone beautiful and genteel. Yet, Mama exuded a marked, almost eerie self-possession, an outlander moving through the world detached and entirely alone. The only child of older parents, her mother, my beloved Grammy, married Grandpa Ray, a man ten years older than her, at age 18, yet delayed pregnancy until her early 30s. Shortly after my mother's birth, Grammy suffered from 'women's problems and underwent a complete hysterectomy. As a result, the little family moved nearer to Grammy's parents, my great-grandparents, in Denver, Colorado so the family could be closer together. Despite their happiness with their baby girl, Grandpa Ray's heavy drinking progressed into severe alcoholism. Eventually, their quiet tiny home became turbulent and explosive. Unfortunately for my mother and the following generations of our family, as the inevitable alienation between the arguing spouses persisted, Grandpa Ray, an alcoholic prone to depression and low self-esteem, turned to his eight-year-old daughter for solace. Mama was mysterious in retelling this story, reluctant to provide any substantive details except to affirm that she was 'molested' by her father and to relate her mother's immediate, unequivocally decisive reaction. Upon finding out what had transpired between father and daughter, she ordered him out of the house until she could pack up herself and her little girl, leaving almost immediately for her mother's home. Grammy wasted no time in relating the details of her sudden departure from the marital home to her family. Given her family's ethos of silence around family troubles, Grammy's insistence upon legal separation and filing for divorce was almost unheard of in the beleaguered depression-era Mid-West of 1940. My grandmother remained silent about these events, even years later, after she realized what had happened to me. In response to my inquiries, I received the message loud and clear from my mother and grandmother: 'Let sleeping dogs lie.' After decamping from her marital home, Grammy spent her days helping her mother feed the lines of starving men waiting at their back door for a bowl of soup. A year later, Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, and suddenly there were jobs and opportunities for both men and women. After several weeks of trying to secure employment in Denver, it became apparent that there were better-paying jobs out west in California's factories, shipyards, and airplane fabrication plants. Grammy, ever fearless and invincible, left my mother in the care of her parents and, with her 18-year-old niece in tow, traveled to the Bay Area of California and worked as a Rosie Riveter. The distance allowed the issues around the marital rupture, still never spoken of even after the divorce proceedings, to die down. In the ensuing months, my mother grew very close to her grandmother. They remained devoted to one another all of their lives. After years of absence, broken only a few times by long train rides and brief visits to Denver, Mama finally joined her mother in Sacramento, where Grammy had moved with her new husband. My grandmother had married a widower with two older children, creating a blended family. Over time, Mama became fond of her much older siblings. However, her relationship with her new stepfather, my Grandpa Joe, was chilly. They all lived together in a large Victorian home until the older children moved out. In high school, Mama joined a conservative Baptist church near her home. After graduation, she left for Los Angeles at age 18 to attend their recommended institution, Biola College. She would meet my father during her senior year.