Go Now!

I sat back to admire my work and ponder the dilemma of my life. “God, what am I supposed to do?” I complained. For years following my mission trip to the Philippines, the idea of going to Africa as a missionary had shadowed my life. But today, the reality of that dream seemed a million miles out of reach. “God, I know You require faith and faith requires some kind of action, but what do You want from me? Do You want me to just pack up my family, go stand in a line at the airport, and wait for tickets to somehow magically show up? I know You can make that kind of thing happen, and I’m willing to give it a try, if You want. I just want what You want. I’m willing to do anything You require. Anything!”
I had nothing more to offer God, no ideas, strategies, no expectations. I just wanted to surrender to whatever it was that He wanted for my life. “I mean this from the bottom of my heart. No strings attached!” I said in a moment of full surrender that brought tears to my eyes. As the words rushed out of my mouth, I felt as if I was standing on the edge of an extremely high cliff, and what I had just said to God had somehow initiated a leap off the edge of that cliff into the unknown. It was a gut wrenching ‘all or nothing’ surrender to an invisible and unpredictable God. I was in free-fall away from my desires, my opinions, and all the things I understood and assumed to be right about God—completely.
By now tears, were running down my cheeks, and my heart was aching as I realized in that moment, nothing in life mattered anymore. Nothing! I gave up! My life was no longer my own, and I was falling into a bottomless void. There was no turning back. My only hope was that God was real, and that He would eventually catch me. I can’t explain how this all works except it seemed in that moment there came a synchronization of hearts, when my ‘want to’ finally lined up with God’s ‘want to.’ He wanted to prove to me that I could indeed, trust Him.
It took only a heartbeat of time to cross the point of no return, a point of total surrender to the sovereignty of God’s love, power, and authority over my life. In that heartbeat, something incredible happened! It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time; like the moment of conception when something that is not, comes to life. It is the moment in the famous Michelangelo painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, where God’s outstretched finger touches man’s outstretched finger. It is in that moment faith becomes sight!
Something had just happened! I didn’t understand, but as I plunged from everything I valued, and had based my life on, into the uncertainty of God’s will for my life, I found the peace and joy I had been searching for. I leaned back against an old hand-hewn barn pole, closed my tear-filled eyes, and for the next few minutes, basked in the amazing miracle of God’s Presence.
“Wendell,” I heard someone call my name, jarring me from out of my reverie. I thought it might be Wes Smith, who lived next-door to the old barn. “Yeah,” I called out, without opening my eyes, annoyed at the disruption.
“Wendell, if you’re going to Hong Kong, go now!” said the gentle voice as loud and as clear as if right next to me. My eyes flew open, and I jumped up. A wave of adrenaline rushed through my body, as I quickly realized that nobody was there. I ran out of the barn. “Hey Wes, where are you? What do you want?” I called. I quickly ran all the way around the barn calling out, “Who’s there? Where are you?”
After several minutes of searching both inside and outside of the barn, I knew the answer, though I had known it all along. No human had been there! God Himself had spoken those words! He said them so loudly and clearly that there was no way I could disavow them. Only God could have known what I was praying and fasting for. Not even Daisy knew.
I collapsed to the floor where I had been sitting just a few minutes earlier. Trembling and terrified as the realization of what had just happened settled into my soul. “If you’re going to Hong Kong, go now,” God had clearly directed. “If you are going…” that made it my choice. “to Hong Kong…” was the destination. “Go now…” gave me the time frame. Everything I had been asking God for had come in that simple life-changing sentence.
God, in a sentence, had set before me a new path for my life, a path that I assumed He had been preparing for a long, long time. Now, the choice was mine to make: stay the course I had been on for the past few years, or risk an adventure with Jesus on a narrow, uncharted path that seemed fraught with all kinds of imagined and unimagined peril.
As I leaned back against the barn pole, my pounding heart immediately responded to God’s offer with a huge enthusiastic YES! Just as emphatically, though, my mind screamed out. “No, no, no, no! Don’t do this! Think it through first. Be reasonable. Consider your career. Look at this beautiful car you still need to finish waxing. Think about all the bills that need paying. Think about the baby that is due in six months!” It was the same old arguments that had kept me awake night after night. It was that bothersome old Giant of Compromise trying to make a last ditch, desperate grab, to hold on to his territory.
It was time! This battle was on - for real!