Who Are You God?

This is the story of my encounter with God in Israel. There I stood, in the lowest room of a massive ancient stone building. Parts of it were more than two thousand years old. The vastness left me feeling small and in awe of the histories of the seventeen known dynasties, built one on top of the other that had taken place here in the Holy Land.

The day was September 14, 1996. It was Rosh Hashanah, one of three important feast days that God told Israel to celebrate. The place was the famous scene of nativity in Bethlehem, where it is said Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ, was born.

Our Israeli tour guide did not want us to wait in line while hundreds of people ahead of us visited the site below. So he led us to follow a procession of Franciscan priests to the other side, which was the exit. We walked down into a stone room where the most historical event, the birth of the Messiah, had taken place.

There was a small alcove covered with tapestries and lamps. In the floor center was the Star of Bethlehem representing the star the wise men followed to find the newborn King. As I watched people descend the stairs, a few of them got down on their hands and knees and crawled into the small space to kiss the star. I was surprised, with millions of germs and the world facing an epidemic of AIDS at the time! Yet they did it. Suddenly I found myself drawn irresistibly, following them into the small space, kissing this most famous Star of Bethlehem.

Then I moved to the back of the room where two of my tour friends were worshipping God. An argument broke out in front as people were coming in from both the entrance and exit, causing a human traffic jam in this small room. The priest in charge unsuccessfully tried to bring order. In frustration, his voice grew louder, yet wondrously, worship songs could be heard over the noise of confusion.

It was then I looked up in realization of where I was, standing in the birthplace of the most important person in human history, Jesus Christ! Nine months prior, with limited knowledge and faith alone, I had received Him in my heart, was cleansed of my sins, and filled with the Holy Spirit’s baptism of fire. The Bible tells us, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Now I stood in the very room where the man who changed the world was born. All I could do was stand in awe and extreme reverence.

As I looked up, the sounds around me began to fade into the distance. It was then, in a vision, I saw beyond the ceiling, and my sight took me further from earth into space. The distance became so great, the universe itself opened, and I could see and feel the limitless expanse as I saw myself standing on the edge of a very small earth looking at the entire universe. There was no end, no boundaries, no size, no space, and no time.

I became so aware that the entire universe was alive and throbbing, as if breathing infinitely. Every atom was charged with life, even the very air was pulsating around me like one beating heart. All the universe was connected, as one entity, one being; everything was one and alive. “The fullness of Him who fills all in all.”

And then, at a great distance away, the center of the universe began to fold in on itself, and I saw infinite dimensions unfurling, breaking up into fragments like prisms. An enormous energy emerged from the center in colors and lights of dimensions without number, as it descended toward earth. Seeing its size, I felt the smallness of my being. As I watched it come closer to earth toward me, I shrank even smaller, and my entire being felt the intense holiness and perfection of this Presence.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and words formed in my mind with loud silent shouts. “No, don’t come near me. Don’t touch me. I’m not worthy.” As the apostle John also understood, during his encounter in heaven, he said, “I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy.” Over and over again, I repeated and begged this energy to stop as it kept falling closer to earth toward me and I became smaller in the process. I was acutely aware of the perfection, purity, and completeness of this Being and that I was a dirty, filthy little grain of sand in comparison. I couldn’t bear the thought of defiling this holy Presence by allowing this contact with me.

Finally, He reached me, and I was completely overshadowed. This Presence of pure energy was in me, around me, through me, and the only way to describe Him was pure love. This was not a love we have on earth nor could even be imagined. This love was so deep and so vast it is humanly impossible for us as one vessel to fathom or contain it. I was at His mercy; feeling the pitiful human state I knew I was in, I felt I would die.

And I was overwhelmed with grief that such a beautiful, perfect, and holy Presence would defile Himself in this personal contact with me. He then spoke through my entire being with infinite, sweet tenderness and said, “I love you anyway.”

This began my quest, the longing of my heart, an unending drive, desire, and thirst that could not be quenched. I was ruined for the ordinary and became a “God Chaser,” desperately searching for Him, the one whose love surpasses unconditionally anything and everything this world has to offer, who accepts me just as I am.