Wives Over Addiction

Weather you have been on this journey with your husband for one year or 20 years the patterns are the same. Our road has been long and hard. We have attempted to be unselfish and self-sacrificing. We have told many lies to protect our pride and shield our husband’s reputation. We have prayed, begged, we have been patient. We have also been on the opposite side of the spectrum. We have made demands and given ultimatums. We have run away, we have been hysterical, we have retaliated. We have sought sympathy from others. We have felt hurt, frustration, self-pity, and often fear. Our homes have turned into a battle ground many evenings just to have him wake up full of remorse. He apologizes, we forgive him, just to have it happen over again a few nights later.
As time passes our lives begin to change. Perhaps we stop going out with other couples in fear that our husband will get drunk and embarrass us. So, we have isolated ourselves from our friends and family. Or perhaps we too started drinking thinking that his behavior would become more bearable if we too were intoxicated. We believed that maybe we would be able to enjoy the evening out.
Sometimes there was loss of jobs and dwindling bank accounts. Sometimes there were other woman who according to our husbands understood them the way we could not. And what about the DUI and the trips to jail. We have tried to shield our children from the actions of their fathers in the hope that they would not lose respect or love for them. Under these conditions we often made mistakes, said, or did things we regretted. Sometimes we left, only to come back again to promises that they would change. And when we did come back, they would be their sweet self again for a period of time, only to disappoint us once again when they started drinking. Had we truly understood what alcoholism is, we might have handled things differently.
We often wonder what happened to the man we met and fell in love with. What happened to their good judgement, their common sense, their pride? Why could they not see how they were destroying their lives and the lives of their families. These are some of the questions that have run through the minds of every woman married to an alcoholic.
Often, we don’t want to admit that there is a problem. We choose to live in denial. Maybe our husband started off as a social drinker, just drinking on weekends with his friends. Perhaps we even drank with him, and it was enjoyable. There didn’t appear to be a problem, everyone drinks socially. Then perhaps his drinking becomes more constant. Maybe he now grabs a drink as soon as he comes home from work. Still all seems fine. Then it begins he starts showing signs of lack of control. His judgement becomes impaired, he makes bad choices, maybe drinking when he is driving, or he drinks at work. He spends too much money on booze and there is not enough money to pay the bills. Now you begin to worry, and you can no longer hide from the truth. Your husband is an alcoholic. Unfortunately, by this time his disease has progressed, and you don’t know what to do about it.
Whatever level your husband is experiencing please know that no situation is too difficult, no relationship is too broken. There is hope. Because our God is a God of Hope. Even if your husband never stops drinking you can still find peace and joy. You will find tools in this book to help you achieve this peace and joy. Tools to help manage the chaos.