First-Person Messiah

I had told him once that I was the wrong person to be his mother. He looked at me seriously and asked, “So, the LORD made a mistake when he gave us each other?”
“No, no, no, I am not criticizing the LORD…oh my, yes I am, I am so sorry!” I stammered through tears.
He hugged me, “You have such a hard job being my mother! But you were the right girl for the job!”
Those words about being his parents being “hard,” he had spoken of that from his early days—as he began to figure out who he was. We thought it was some sort of false humility at times, and Joseph and I had gotten on to him once because we thought he was wanting our praise. He took it well—he always was a dream child in that respect
It was only later that we understood that he realized being parents of the Messiah was an impossible assignment. It was something one could only do through the power of the Spirit of God. And that made it beautiful and special. It was beyond hard, we just had to get up each day and keep moving one step at a time in faith.
“He still loves you, you know?” I heard myself say weakly to the three Pharisees. They looked surprised, recognizing me as the mother of the One on the cross. They each looked down, and then walked away. My words sounded kind. My boy had taught me much, but I still was struggling in my heart not to strangle each of them. Part of me wanted to hurt them badly.
Part of me deeply desired to kill each one slowly!
But then he, my beautiful son, now seemed to live inside of me…
I suddenly realized that it had become very dark, though it was only mid-day.
Darkness…
I went back to that day on the roof with the angel—this imposing laughing creature knew my name? The LORD knew my name? I couldn’t seem to wrap my heart around this—Nazareth wasn’t very big, but it seemed very few people knew my name, or even seemed to care to. I suddenly remembered the story we had heard in the synagogue about father Abraham when he had a child by the woman Hagar—when she ran away, the LORD found her and called her back; she said to the LORD, “You are a God of seeing!
And the angel who found her knew her name!
This was real!
This was the God of the stories I had heard all my life! He knows my name? He sees me! I was suddenly thrilled, I wanted to sing to my LORD because he was so…
“Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”
What?
How could this?
This can’t be real…
My heart was racing again, and I was once again face down on the roof—I don’t understand—this can’t be. He has the wrong girl—my life is set, I am marrying Joseph and I will have his children…maybe that’s it. I gathered my courage—I was shaking, but he had to mean this was going to be Joseph’s child, right?
I struggled to find the words…
“How…will this be, since I am… a virgin?” My voice was cracking from the strain, my tears were flowing, and my eyes were tightly closed. Please LORD, I don’t understand! Let this be Joseph’s child! Please let it be Joseph’s child! This was so confusing, had I not been dreading that whole “knowing” Joseph as his wife, now I was begging to have his child? I was so much the wrong girl for this…
I felt a gentle but strong hand on my chin, and my face was pulled upward. I peaked out of one eye—the angel smiled gently, laughed gently, and then held my face in both of his hands.
“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called…”
His voice was suddenly confused in my head, I felt a great darkness come over me. This was not going to be Joseph’s child? What does he mean the “Holy Spirit will come upon you? What does that even look like? Joseph will leave me, I know. My dad, he will not believe me!
My face felt very hot, and I felt like the house was collapsing beneath me. I opened my eyes once again, and all was well—the angel was still looking intently at me and speaking; “Your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing is impossible with God.”