Becoming a Heavenly Woman

BECOMING A HEAVENLY WOMAN—The Ultimate Beauty Makeover

I started out the way most girls do: I was 17 and I thought I was in love. It must have been love, because it was so exciting. The captain of the football team courted me with flowers and letters and gifts, and during Freddy’s freshman year at college he surprised me with an engagement ring. We planned a storybook wedding at a dreamy little ivy-covered stone church with a steeple and a bell, in a darling little town. I made my own gown of “candlelight satin.” I loved the sound of those words! We--perhaps I should admit that it was I--planned the perfect wedding, the perfect honeymoon, and then happiness ever after, probably in a cottage smothered with flowers and a picket fence.

I was so unrealistic! I knew absolutely nothing about making a home in such a cottage, or what it means to join two single lives into one to form a family. All I could see was the wedding, the happily ever after. I didn’t have a clue even about how to do laundry! As an older woman now, looking back, I imagine that the laundry was probably the farthest thing from his mind too! Males tend to focus on the thought of a sweet wife to hug and kiss, while we gals naively think the guy is dreaming about long conversations, deep thoughts, shared ideas. I’m betting that neither is focusing on laundry.

If only we had spent the same amount of time talking about our expectations of each other and of the marriage and our life together as we did the color of the silks and the flavor of the wedding cake! Or even if we had spent as much time actually worshiping in the church we were to be married in. How I wish I had been interested then in seeking God about this very serious move, and about His plan for a marriage. But, like many girls, the fairy tale was all I could think of.

My first big disappointment to my fairy tale was my fairy godmother. It started when my fiance announced one day that he had bought our first home! Surprise—a house trailer! He had picked it out with his mother! (I saw red at that, for some reason.) They had it put in a trailer park near his mom, for us to live in after the wedding. He thought I would be thrilled. I was stunned. What, no flower-covered cottage? No picket fence? I tried to look excited, but it was no use. I couldn’t explain--or didn’t--and all he could tell was that I was disappointed. Wasn’t the fairy godmother supposed to take me to a castle or something, or at least a cottage? But mine turned out to be his mother, with a trailer? Oh, now I’m old enough to know that what Freddy and his mother had done made sense for a boy with three years of college left: get a place we could afford and get on with school. He didn’t know about the romantic scenario girls have in mind, as most men don’t. They really are at a loss as to how to please us, and often we are at a loss to explain it, so the relationship breaks down early on. At least mine did.

We hadn’t even gotten married yet, and I was sulking. His mother picking out my house? Somehow it seemed her fault that we would have to live in a trailer. I never even thought in those days about where the money came from for the down payment on the trailer! Later on I learned that it came from that same mother! I was a silly kid, totally unrealistic, totally unreasonable, but to me it was all very real, real enough to shake up my world. Freddy and I had didn’t fight about it, but seeds were planted then that grew to be weeds. (Funny how things roll around: many years later, I made the down payment on our son’s house, and our daughter’s too! I picked it out, I remodeled it. It never occurred to me that the daughter-in-law or son-in-law might consider my generosity “interference.”)

The second big shock came after the wedding. The flowers, gifts, dates, and dinners out mostly stopped. Here is where I made a huge mistake, and I’m thinking most brides do too. We don’t know the difference between courtship and marriage. There is a difference, and rightly so. I’ve heard it said that in the "hunter" man’s eyes, after the chase of the hunt is over, we gals are the bagged game. That sounds so crass. Let’s try to be more generous about it: he has successfully completed the courtship and won the fair maiden’s hand. OK, then, men are practical, and once they complete a project they go on to the next one. Freddy’s next goal was schooling, so he redirected his focus and poured himself into his studies, no doubt a very prudent and smart thing to do. However, all I could see was that his world no longer revolved around courting me on Friday nights.

I remember one time, early on in that poorly-planned marriage, that I was missing the attention I was used to on dates. I fixed my hair just so, made my makeup perfect, put on perfume and a sharp outfit, then paraded by his chair where he was studying. He didn’t look up. So I went by again. Still nothing. After going back and forth a few times, he finally looked up but just asked, “What?” I felt cheated. And mad. But I wouldn’t tell him why; instead, the classic line we women use came out:“If you don’t know what’s wrong, that’s even worse!” Then after some stony silence, probably a day or so, we had a big fight over it. No wonder King Arthur sang “Who can understand a woman?” when trouble was brewing in Camelot.

Looking back to those days, I try to imagine what he must have thought. Here he is, preparing for a college test, and life is peaceful in the trailer-house. Then his bride, the one he had thought was so sweet and wonderful, comes into the room. She seems to be coming back and forth—perhaps she has lost something. He looks up and inquires, but she clams up and gives him the silent treatment. Then she dissolves into tears about how disappointed she is in him. He does what most men do at this point in the marriage: he retreats. Most men don’t really like to talk much anyway about feelings and relationships, so when things get crazy they usually go into their emotional "cave" and are more and more unreachable. The woman tries harder to cry and shame and bully him out of his cave, but it only gets worse. He feels that he not only doesn’t understand what she wants, but he is pretty sure he will lose in a war of words and ideas.

My dream world was shattered. I know now that because it was an unrealistic world, it had to be shattered. I also know now that most brides go though this to some degree or another, and need help understanding what is going on. You may be a new bride, or more likely you are a woman who has been disillusioned with marriage, but resigned to it, and are wondering if anything can be done. There is hope and help, but you must understand this important thing: we all need to get a make-over! We are all born naturally selfish and rebellious, which is bad for all relationships, but especially toxic in a marriage. The good news is that God has a real beauty makeover in mind, tailored just for you! He knows how to make you into an ideal woman—a heavenly woman! It isn't hard. If you listen to God's advice, He will get you there. The journey may take you in directions you never dreamed, but you will become a heavenly woman. I promise!

I will share my story, bit by bit, in each chapter, and each chapter will deal with one aspect of our heavenly makeover. There will be some of God’s advice (scripture), some of my mistakes and learning lessons, and a LIVING IT section to help you access your own makeover. Finally, each chapter will have a FOR FUN bit, extra down-to-earth things that we can all enjoy along the way.