From Fear to Faith My Life with God

Foreword

The truth is, I have really struggled with writing this book because I need to share enough of my past with you to help you understand the change that has taken place. This means returning to a place I do not want to be because it had so much pain, hurt, heartache, and non-stop tears. My sister once heard me crying while I was asleep and had to ask me in the morning what was wrong. So when I say non-stop tears, I mean it, and not because I was a prima donna princess who was not getting her way. But because I was in a perpetual pit of despair with no foreseeable way of getting out.

The image I held of my life was of me drowning in an ocean with waves crashing all over me. While trying desperately swim to the top of the ocean to gasp for air, another wave would come crashing down on top of me, pulling me under again. I felt utterly exhausted and was barely staying alive emotionally.

This is why I love God so much. He literally saved me from drowning to death. I am no longer destroyed or nearly killed by my circumstances, because in the middle of the storms of life, I have learnt that God alone is my stability. He is my rock—my safe place to land.

So, no matter how much I may get tossed about, all I have to do is to keep holding on to God. Then nothing can harm me emotionally.

But this change is a journey. You don't begin anchored in faith. Usually you are drifting along, being tossed about by your circumstances, until you get so sick and tired of life and desperate enough that you will try anything.

That’s when God can become the anchor point in your life. Your external situation will not change automatically, but internally, you will begin to find a stability which gives you hope, peace, joy, and strength in life’s storms. Giving you the ability to keep fighting on and to make the changes you need to with God at your side.

If this sounds wishy-washy, it’s not. I will give you personal examples of what God has taught me and how he comes through time and time again in practical ways. Teaching me that he is there in every circumstance, no matter how big or small, as long as I depend on him and not myself.

Like the time when I wanted lemons but they were too expansive for me to buy. The next day, a woman got on the bus with me and randomly offered everyone on the bus lemons because her tree had produced too many.

The time, I secretly wanted to have my very own bottle of perfume, yet I couldn’t even afford to buy spray deodorant from the supermarket. Then, my Dad’s cousin came for a visit from Ireland. I had barely got to see her during her brief stay because I was working. But when I returned home the evening she left, I found a whole bottle of proper perfume waiting for me on my pillow. I never mentioned it and she had no idea that it was a secret petition of my heart and I hadn’t even prayed about it.

The time, I had to get a dining table and chairs but couldn’t afford it, so I went to the local St Vincent de Paul shop and got a set for $130, which I later found out had cost between $600 and $700 in the shop. But what got me, was that the week before I had missed out on another dining set because I was worried about spending a whole $110. So I didn’t buy it and when I went back the next week, it was sold. But the difference was it was an old 70s-style dining set with unattractive bright green textured material. The actual table God had reserved for me was modern and the exact colour of the rest of my lounge furniture I had at home, so it suited perfectly.

The time, I went to a U2 concert and got front row three nights running. On the third night, I made a pact with the man I was standing beside in the line that we would save a spot for each other. I just got there first and held his spot.

Then years later, I went to another U2 concert and had no one to go with. As I got into the stadium, I saw at the front row, a one person spot which I ran for and got. It was right at the front row so I screamed with exhilaration—more accurately, I gave out an almighty shrill.

I turned to the people on either side of me and apologised for my scream and as I turned to the second person, he smiled and I smiled back. It was the very man, now with his son, that I had sat with all those years ago at the other concert, so I wasn’t alone.

And the time, I really wanted a particular U2 song, which was a duet. A week or so later, what randomly comes in the mail but two copies of a CD with all of U2’s duets, including the very song I wanted and again, I hadn’t even prayed for it.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

(Psalm 37:4 ESV)

You see, you can’t tell me God doesn’t exist. I’ve had too many experiences that prove he does. But that’s the fun part and that’s another book, which I’ll share with you later.