Let Love Lead

I believe that the main thing you and I are called to do in married relationships is to let love lead. It sounds simple enough, yet I consider the phrase let love lead to be a triple threat due to the simple but profound meaning behind those words. • Let. This word suggests giving permission, allowing, or stepping aside for someone or something else. • Love. I won’t even dare to begin to give a simple definition of this term. What I will say is that I agree with others who have said that love is a choice, love gives, and love sacrifices. God is the perfect and best example of love as a choice, a sacrifice, and a gift. God chose to love us; God gave up His Son as a sacrifice for our sins so that He could give us the gift of eternal life (John 3:14–17). God embodies all of the previous descriptions of love because He is love (1 John 4:7–8). The way that God loves is termed “agape love,” which is unconditional, perfect, sacrificial, and pure. “God Is Agape,” an article by David Nelmes,i describes agape love as devoting “total commitment to seek your highest best no matter how anyone may respond. This form of love is totally selfless and does not change whether love is given in return or not. This is the only true form of love.” God chose to love us before we chose or even knew about Him (1 John 4:19). God gave His Son so that we could live in eternity with Him. Love forgives; God forgave us for every wrong we’ve ever done. • Lead. This word suggests being in the front of the line, the main thing or focal point, the first in succession; as a verb, it means to guide or give direction or to exert force as a means of giving direction. When you combine those three words, you’re talking about a permissive decision to allow love (i.e., sacrifice, giving, forgiveness) to guide you. Here, in this study, I am asking you to step aside and permit love to guide and give you direction in your relationship with your spouse. My hope is that you will be motivated to consider your words, thoughts, and actions as they relate to your relationship and to better understand how God wants us to let love lead based on key scriptures in the Bible. • God’s Word has much to say about love in the context of marriage. The scriptures describe the duties of husbands and wives and provide examples of individuals in the Bible who portray positive and negative traits in marriage. • Since God created Adam and Eve, the first husband and wife (Gen. 2:20–25) at the beginning of time, He is the ultimate authority on the marriage relationship. See the excerpt below detailing the first marriage. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen. 2:20–25 NIV) As believers, it is critical that we lean heavily on God’s Word as a way of painting a picture of what it looks like to let love lead, because His way is the answer to pushing through the rough patches that threaten to catch us off guard during our relationships. On the other hand, most couples find that it is easy to let love lead during the first years of a relationship because they tend to be in the “honeymoon phase” of trying to make the other person happy or please them. As I think back to my months of courtship with the person who is now my husband, I did not mind sacrificing my plans with the girls in order to spend time with him. In fact, I did not mind only having a snippet of time with him in between his hectic schedule. Even during college finals, I did not mind putting my schedule on hold to take care of him after his surgery. I would rush home in time to make the curfew, only to return to provide care to him after only four hours of sleep. Think back to when you were dating. If we are honest with ourselves, we could all think of at least one sacrifice we made early in our relationships without a second thought about what it would cost us in time, money, effort, and so forth. The challenge comes into play when things become routine, whether it’s after years or even a few months later. At that point, it is almost as if we begin to set limits on what we are willing to sacrifice for the person we married. Stop and consider just how much time couples put into planning their wedding day; I posit that if it took that much time, effort, and money to plan just one day or a weekend extravaganza, imagine how much time, effort, and sacrifice is necessary for a relationship to last until our last breath. I believe that when you begin to put some of the topics, exercises, and challenges in this workbook into practice, you will be on your way to developing endurance in your marriage.