Fresh out of Fire

CHAPTER ONE

I AM NOT BATTLING!

2 Chronicles 20:15; - "And he said, listen all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, king Jehoshaphat! Thus says the lord to you; Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, the BATTLE is not yours, but God's".

Growing up we recited Psalm 23 day by day. This was a family routine just like many parents encouraged their children to do back in the day. It was a simple chapter we committed to memory during our morning devotion, a routine etched into our young lives. My brothers and I knew it word for word and sometimes recited it in extreme sleep mode, grumbling as we were never spared by my mother. Little did I realize then that this cherished psalm would become my unwavering anchor in the tumultuous journey of life. As I walked through the darkest valleys in my life's journey, I clung to those words,

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me." (Psalm 23:4 KJV).

They were not just verses anymore; they became my lifeline, my refuge, my strength, and my solace. Through every trial and tribulation, the promises held true.

I lay on the hospital bed, three days after a nerve-wracking colonoscopy. This is a procedure done to check the inner lining of the gut. As expected, I was gripped with an overwhelming sense of anxiety while awaiting the results.

To give a bit of context, a quick throwback. For about two years, I had been having strange symptoms. Initially, I had spotted mucous in my poop which I shrugged off as something I had eaten. Then I started to see blood in the loo after using the bathroom. I was self-convinced that it was probably hemorrhoids. But then, soon after, these symptoms escalated, and I had this relentless weakness that left me unable to walk long distances. It was as if my energy had abandoned me, and even the simplest of tasks left me drained. Then, I started to lose weight rapidly. Being a naturally slim person, you can imagine what that looked like, and soon after, my hair started to fall off. More insidious were the gut issues I had a change in stool consistency and for months I had constant diarrhea after every meal.

A few days before being hospitalized, I had gone to see my primary care doctor, with presenting complaints of weakness, frequent stooling after every meal, and the presence of mucus in my stool. Dr Kelly attempted to run some tests, but my veins were elusive. A blood draw was impossible. From the look on her face, I knew she was worried just looking at me. My blood pressure had plummeted to dangerously low levels. She referred me in a hurry to a diagnostic center for urgent bloodwork.

Three days later, I got a call, "Hello, is this Ms. Kemi?" Yes, I answered. "This is Dr Kelly speaking. "How are you today"? I'm well thank you, I replied. Not sure what to expect. "We got the results for your blood work". Her voice was laced with urgency. Your blood levels are alarmingly low. They are 3, far below the normal range of 11-15. You need to get to the emergency room immediately! as I would not want you to collapse". she said adamantly. There was dead silence on both ends. I summoned up some courage "Ok, thank you". I replied. "I'd be on my way".

I honestly did not know what to do next. For about five minutes I was blank. I knew this was an emergency. As a Medical Doctor, I know what a blood level of 3 implies. I got to the Emergency room. A series of investigations were ordered immediately. Amongst which was a CT scan. After about two hours, the results were out. The CT scan revealed a "suspicious" mass in my colon as the Dr. on call put it; it was in my rectum, to be precise. This was a worrisome discovery.

The next step in the quest for answers was a biopsy which led to the colonoscopy, scoping the inner lining of the gut to get a piece of the tumor, which was later sent to pathology for a biopsy. This would help determine whether the mass was benign or malignant. At this point, I was on the edge of my seat, hoping for the best as I awaited the biopsy results.

The clock seemed to tick louder as I found myself confined to a hospital bed. It's been three days, facing the overwhelming fear of the unknown. “This hospital admission marked a significant milestone in my life”. I thought. It was my first time in hospital for reasons other than childbirth.

Dr. Smith walked into my room. "How are you today?". He asked in his Italian accent." "I'm very well, thank you". I replied. Trying to sound quite calm.But something about his presence confirmed my deepest fears. He had been eagerly waiting for the results, just as I had. And the gravity of the situation had weighed heavily upon him. With trembling hope, I asked, "Is it malignant?". Yes, the results are as we thought, we only waited to confirm …".In that pivotal moment, my heart was a whirlwind of contrasting emotions. I felt relief and disbelief….