Seen Known + Heard

In an age where there seems to be a new level of desperation for each of us to be heard, a lot of us are walking around sharing our views or content that supports those views, and, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I notice I’m not paying a whole lot of attention to anyone else. So, I wonder if we're not really being heard in the way that we want. Our needs are going unmet, and we're trying to shout louder, but it's falling on deaf ears.

There's a stock image that I love that comes to mind here of a little boy shouting into a microphone with all he's got - but because it's a photograph - we can't hear him. I wonder if that's how many of our communications go right now. They fall flat. And we wonder why isn't anyone listening? Why aren't they hearing me?

How have we gotten to this point? Perhaps it's in large part due to the change in our methods of communication today that have taken away our ability to fully listen. One hundred years ago, humans had to rely on face-to-face communication with each other. Fifty years ago, they started to rely on the telephone to communicate, lessening face-to-face communication. Twenty years ago, they started to rely on email and cell phones, increasing our efficiency. And now? It’s the new wild west - we communicate a lot less using face-to-face conversation and more in brief sound bites. Those sound bites allow for so much misinterpretation and miscommunication. We miss out on things like tone of voice, direct eye contact, body language, and the context behind the content. It's easy for us to share a motivational quote or beautiful photo of our kids, but what we don't see behind it are the temper tantrums and anxiety that we struggle with. Others don’t see the days when we're exhausted or want to give up because of the marriage that's crumbling, the self-doubt that plagues us, or the addictions we battle. All of that context in real life conversations helps us see and hear and know each other - it doesn't happen over sound bites.

Even the little, seemingly subtle things, like the bumper stickers we see driving around town fill our minds with sound bites. On a walk one morning, I saw a bumper sticker with a one liner about gun safety on it. I got to thinking, Does one line cover it in cases like this? I understand the intent of feeling strongly about something and wanting to get the word out, but has anyone’s mind ever been changed after seeing a bumper sticker? Perhaps it has, but I don’t believe this is the most convincing and engaging way to gain understanding and agreement.

The good news is, we can choose to replace more of our daily communications with driveway talks with our neighbors, coffee meetups with friends, and bike rides with the family. People are transformed by love and loving people comes from seeing, knowing, and hearing them. Sometimes, not even words are necessary to convey this to those around us. Our presence, time, eye contact, and availability in the silent moments are sufficient. When we feel like someone has genuinely sought to know how we’re doing, we are moved.

How do we see, hear, and know each other without agreeing? All we have to do is simply see them for where they are in their journey. It’s not our responsibility to try to change them or to make them think exactly what we think; we can just accept where they are. It doesn’t mean we agree; it means we empathize with them even if we can’t understand (the very hard part).