The Pain from the Death of a Spouse

May these suggestions encourage you to give more time and affection to your love ones, especially your spouse and your children? My greatest human loss has been the death of my spouse. Each of my family members that died carried its own individual and personal pain but my supreme pain came from the death of Margie. Her death defines what matters in life, love and marriage and what doesn’t. Her love of 55 years continues to imprison my heart, body and soul. Time has an amazing way of showing what really matters.

I cannot explain the effect of Margie’s death on my life without including my biggest supporters, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Each day I turn to God to give me strength and energy to face life without her. Each day God surrounds my body and soul with love.

It’s a joy to look back on the last 18 months and recognize God’s love, faithfulness and support that He has given me as I walked the pathway of a spouse’s death.

The events I recorded in my Diary focuses on:
A few Life Events with Margie,
A little History of our marriage,
A lot of Godly help,
A huge amount of Grief,
A record of, The Pain from the Death of a Spouse.

Once you turn the page of life, you can not turn it back. The Pain from the Death of a Spouse, revisits life with the living and documents the pain and sorrow that will eventually come to every marriage.

This book introduces a door that every married couple will walk through, usually not together. A door that we don’t like to acknowledge or even admit it exists. It is the Door of Reality. One spouse will die before the other in almost every marriage. My spouse walked through the door and left me on the other side. This is my story after the door closed behind her. It is a story that speaks to the soul of mankind about life, love, marriage, death and sorrow.

You might ask, what gives the Author the right, the insight, the expertise, the knowledge, the vision, to write a book about the Pain that one suffers from the death of a family member?

Perhaps it’s the Pain he suffered from the death of his 19 year old sister, and
Perhaps it’s the Pain he suffered from the death of his father, and
Perhaps it’s the Pain he suffered from the death of his mother, and
Perhaps it’s the Pain he suffered from the death of his brother, and
Perhaps it’s the Pain he suffered from the death of his spouse of 55 years, and
Perhaps it’s the love, support and comfort God gave him during each of these deaths.

This is my Diary of Heavenly Love, Earthly Affection and Human Pain. It is written with the Human side of Earth and with the Spiritual side of Heaven. When Margie died the Spiritual side of me said,

‘Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, no more suffering and pain, thank you Lord for your love and mercy.’

The Human side of me came face to face with the darker side of life and with the fragile, confused and weak side of human nature. I love the woman that God gave me and I have human feelings for her. I have a loneliness that only God can comfort and ease.

I have documented 18 months of my feelings, my suffering, my distress, my grief, and my thoughts as it relates to the death of my spouse. Everyone will be confronted with grief and pain during their earthly life. No one is excused or excluded.

What words are suitable to describe the loss of a spouse? I don’t know if there is a measurement of words that will characterize this type pain. I cannot tell you how to deal with your grief, I can only tell you of my grief. My first impression of spouse-grief was not pleasant because Grief delivered Intense Emotional Suffering, Physical Suffering, Mental Distress, Sorrow, Sadness, Mourning, Pain, Anguish, Misery, Crying, Separation, Heartache, Loss, Devastation, Anxiety, Agony, Loneliness, Depression, Unhappiness, Desolation, Destruction and Emptiness. Grief knows how to deliver pain.

(One day after Margie died; this is what I wrote in my diary.)

May 17, 2012 Thursday. (1 day after D-day)

One day after the death of my wife, I cried and prayed all day. It is such a heavy load of sadness, grief and loneliness. I cried and begged God to help me. I see Margie in everything I view, perceive and touch. She is such a big part of my life. Our children are present but they are allowing me to have my time alone. God can see my pain and He will be with me through this journey. The pain feels as if someone has ripped my heart and soul out of my human body. With each breath I’m suffocating. Today, my crying hours were eighty (80) per cent of my wake-hours. This is the end of a wonderful marriage. My wildest dreams could not envision the emptiness from a loss of this magnitude. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. The Death-Grief-Ghost has appeared in my life and has wrapped me up in a Cloud-of-Darkness. I will dance on the stage of grief and pain for a long time.

The Greater the Love,
The Greater the Pain.

Today I faced darkness, and I cried. I hid myself, and I cried. I thought of Margie, and I cried. I isolated myself in our bedroom, and I cried. I touched her clothes, and I cried. I touched her jewelry, and I cried. I looked at her pictures, and I cried. I felt the quietness of the night, and I cried. I heard the echo of her voice, and I cried. Everywhere I looked I saw Margie, and I cried.