What Cloud Is My Daddy In?
A Children's Book About Love, Memories and Grief
by
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This is a child’s storybook designed to highlight common experiences related to loss and grief through the eyes of a young turtle, namely:
Ø Grief is like a roller coaster. Some days are sad and hard. There are other days filled with laughter and joy. All these feelings are okay and normal. The challenge is the unpredictability of the ups and downs.
Ø It’s okay for adults to allow the child to see them grieve. Children do need to be reassured that despite your grief and sadness, you are able and willing to continue to care for them and provide a safe environment.
Ø Each page has a theme which can be used to start a discussion with the child, as appropriate. For example, on page 8, you might as, “What did you have fun doing with your dad?” or on page 11, you could ask, “What do you do when you feel sad?”
Ø If the child seems to struggle with reading page after page in the book, consider offering them a distraction by looking for some items, which can be found on nearly every page in the story. These include a dog, a brown stuffed puppy, and three characters often associated with loss and grief (a butterfly, a ladybug and a cardinal).
In this story, the daddy dies following a brief illness. If the child’s father died unexpectedly or suddenly, consider modifying the story with words like, “Daddy had an accident and went to the hospital”. Or “Daddy suddenly got very sick and his body quit working right”. Explain it was a different kind of sick than when we get a cold or flu, so the child isn’t fearful if one of you becomes ill. Avoid words and phrases that may cause the child anxiety, such as “Daddy went to sleep”, as the child might be afraid to fall asleep or for you to go to sleep. The discussion, and your word choices, will depend on what feels right to you and how the child is reacting to what is being said.
My daddy used to like to play with me in the colorful leaves when they fell from the trees. I miss my daddy, but on fall days, I still have fun playing in the leaves. The leaves fell from the tree that we planted in dad’s memory. Our dog had fun playing in them too. I hope Daddy knows I still love him.
My Mom and my aunt cooked our Thanksgiving dinner. Even though my daddy wasn’t here to carve the turkey or mash the potatoes, the food was good and made my tummy happy. I wonder if someone cooked a turkey in the clouds for my daddy?
Some days like on my birthday, I have two feelings at once. I am happy that it’s my birthday! I am also sad, because my daddy isn’t here for my party. But I am happy there are lots of people who love me, and they are here to help me celebrate. I got lots of presents. We had my favorite cake with candles on it. I think that makes daddy happy too. That night, I lay down to go to sleep, thinking about my party. My birthday made me smile and my heart is happy. I told my daddy I will always miss him and love him. I got out of bed and kissed his picture. Then I crawled back into bed and covered up with a blanket that has our pictures on it. It feels like Daddy is hugging me from his cloud. I prayed, “Thank you God for taking good care of my Daddy”.
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About the Book
Experiencing loss, whether sudden or expected, is extremely challenging at any age. Since children often do not have friends who have had a similar experience, they may find this to be a scary, overwhelming and lonely time. A little turtle loves doing fun things with Daddy, including playing golf together. Suddenly the turtle’s world is turned upside down when Dad falls ill and goes to the hospital. When the turtle’s mother says, “Daddy has gone to heaven to live with God”, the turtle must somehow learn to live without him. The turtle misses Daddy so much. While the little turtle wonders if Dad is living in a cloud, family members and friends help lead the turtle through many feelings during the first year following the dad’s death. Through this experience, the young turtle learns that it is okay to cry, laugh and be happy, as well as to forever love Daddy! In this beautifully illustrated and touching tale, a young turtle learns how to deal with loss and grief after the turtle’s father suddenly dies. The turtle is left believing Dad is watching and sending love from his heavenly cloud. This book provides numerous recommendations for adults supporting the grieving child. These include suggestions for honoring memories, creating tangible remembrances, and working through shared grief in a gentle and supportive way.
About the Author
Kim Vesey is a registered nurse and certified spiritual director who has worked in the hospice field for over thirty-five years. In addition to caring for many patients, Kim has also suffered unexpected personal losses that included her husband, her father and her 29-year-old daughter, Sarah. Kim, who is also mother to son, Patrick and grandmother to Sarah’s son Warren, resides in Beavercreek, OH. What Cloud is My Daddy In? is her second book in a planned series of children’s books on grief.